Strengths and Weaknesses-- part 1

My boys both have Asperger's Syndrome, ADHD, and some learning disabilities. I have had numerous conversations with them about strengths and weaknesses. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Everyone has skills or abilities that come easily. Everyone also experiences challenges and difficulties in other areas of their lives. We have to accept that in ourselves, and we have to accept that in others.

One aspect of Asperger's Syndrome (a high functioning form of autism) is the inability to take another person's point of view. Especially when the boys were younger, if they knew a piece of information, they expected (not even consciously) everyone to know it. If they could do something, everyone should be able to do it. This led to incredible frustration for the entire family, and many melt downs at school.

Math comes easily for me. Writing essays was much more difficult, but with a lot of practise and instruction I learned how to write. As a high school student, I thought that more often than not, students that were not doing well in school were simply not trying hard enough. I judged them as lazy. I have a very different understanding of strengths and weaknesses today.

As a teacher at an adult high school, I learned about learning disabilities. There are many people who find academics to be painful. They try very hard, but just don't get it. I was thrilled to be able to help many students overcome years and years of failure at math by helping them to master one skill at a time. However, there were students that just couldn't get it. There minds were wired in such a way that numbers did not make sense to them. There were other students with a form of dyslexia (never diagnosed) which made it very difficult for them to keep track of negative signs. They had been told for years that they were not trying hard enough, or not disciplined or diligent enough with their work. Another teacher showed me that many of these students were actually able to keep track of the negative signs when they used a different colour of paper. Using blue or yellow paper suddenly made them able to do math! They were not stupid, lazy, undisciplined, or anything else like that – their brains simply could not register everything from the extremely high contrast of writing on white paper. One of my students went to a professional and received green tinted glasses. His ability to do school work changed dramatically and his self-esteem soared!

Just like my boys, who thought that everyone thinks just like they do, these teachers had demanded that their students think a certain way. When the students didn't fit into their mold, they were very judgemental. These harsh and inaccurate judgements had really hurt these students. Many students had turned down roads of alcoholism, drug abuse, or getting pregnant at a young age to escape the pain of low self-esteem. They would come to our school believing they were stupid, but had come to the realization that they could not advance in any sort of work without that high school diploma. The entire staff worked hard to provide the skills and encouragement the students needed to achieve success. Elation and victory permeated graduation day like no other ceremony I have been a part of!

When we give advice to others, we need to realize that not everyone can do things the way we do, or the way we think they should. Let us learn to give people the benefit of the doubt. When someone is trying, but still failing, we need to find out why. A person dealing with failure needs encouragement and help to understand what is at the root of the failure. Too often, just like the teachers my students had, we judge the problem to be effort or some form of stupidity. Sometimes effort is the problem. Stupidity is a harsh term that isn't true. Perhaps that person has a real weakness in one or more areas in their life, but they DO have strengths. If we focus entirely on their weaknesses, we destroy the person. Give them the tools that address the real problem and we give them self-esteem and real victory!

Father, I thank you so much for Your love and patience! I thank you for Your incredible grace! I thank you for putting people in our lives that really want to help us.  Help us all to realize that you have made us each unique.  We each have strengths and weaknesses.  Every person is important in your kingdom! Sometimes it is easy to forget that what works for one person, or even what works for most people, doesn't work for everyone.  The students that could suddenly succeed in math when given blue paper are a very small minority.  What worked for most other people didn't work for them.  Thank you for the privilege it was to provide these students with a tool that gave them success!  Help us not to judge, but instead to help find solutions -- solutions beyond the box of our own experience. We praise You Father for creating us unique, special, and very very loved!