Depression

What follows is the written version of a talk I gave about depression to a ladies' breakfast at my church.

Depression

1. Introduction:

Why am I talking on such a difficult subject this morning?

There is a deep shame associated with depression – and that shame is magnified in the church.

I have dealt with depression for 35 years – over 25 years of that battle has been as a Christian.

I have always been open about my depression. As a result, I have been told many horrible things by Christians – some well-meaning, others simply self-righteous and judgemental. I have also talked with many Christians who are terrified that anyone will find out that they are taking antidepressants, or refuse to take them because of the stigma and shame associated with taking them. A pastor friend of mine was told by one of his superiors never to talk about depression from the pulpit.

I am discussing this topic this morning because it is past time for this veil of shame to be removed! People dealing with depression and other mental health issues need compassion and healing instead of shame and abuse! I don't want others to go through the pain I have been through – pain magnified because those from whom I sought help did not understand depression and suicide.

2. What is happening in someone who is depressed?

Bottle 1: We are all like this bottle of pop. We all have some carbonation in us. That carbonation can come from genetic make-up, from hurts we carry from our past, from undealt with guilt, or from negative thinking patterns developed over time. Obviously we all have different amounts of carbonation.

What happens when we apply some stress to this bottle of pop?

For us this stress might represent lack of sleep, PMS? What are some other stresses we face? menopausal, a hard day at work, or a difficult day with the kids.

All of us are either mothers or have had a mother – sometimes we handle our kids being kids with grace, other times we overreact and lash out. What is the difference?

Bottle 2: What about more intense stress such as job loss? Other major stresses we experience in life?

Add  salt -- the bottle erupts.

What are ways that some people “explode” as their carbonation faces too much stress?

Rage, tears, more intense yelling, swearing, physical aggression, increased blood-pressure, grief, crimes of passion.

A person facing depression is experiencing an emotional and even physical explosion as their carbonation experiences too much stress. But it is directed inward. All the blame, anger, and aggression are directed at themselves – usually without any understanding that that is what is happening. Among other things, that explosion causes a chemical imbalance in the brain that affects the way a person thinks.

2. What is it like to be depressed?

I want to try to give you a glimpse into the mind of someone dealing with depression.

Waking up depressed is excruciatingly painful. The living darkness surrounds me, oppresses me, crushes me, and consumes me, filling me with negativity, self-loathing, and despair. The darkness devours all hope, all dreams, all sense of worth. Fun and laughter are meaningless – or worse despised. My eyes and ears are covered with scales that filter everything coming in, allowing only darkness to enter. No light can get to my mind, my emotions, my faith. Well rehearsed tapes of my failures and worthlessness play over and over. “You can't do anything right. You never will get it right, so you might as well give up. Your boys would be so much better off without you. No one would miss you if you were gone – in fact they would be happier if you and your depression were never heard from again. You think God will rescue you – well, we both know how disappointed He is with you. You have failed Him too many times already. You are worthless. You are a failure. You are ugly in body and soul and no one will ever love you. Your life causes more pain than good.” over and over and over with slight variations in content, but no variation in the overall message.

It feels like God is a zillion miles away.

Anything someone says is twisted by this darkness. Professions of love or a desire to help are translated as pitiful attempts to get me to stop my depression because my depression is inconvenient for that person. Reminders of good in my life just can't get through the scales on my eyes and ears.

I want to talk about several myths that surround depression. I want to share truths from the Scriptures, and I want to share some tools to help deal with depression – both as someone dealing personally with depression and for those with a loved one dealing with depression.

IV. Myths

1. Depression is merely a pity-party and the person just needs to be snap out of it.
   A person in a pity-party is looking for someone to agree that their life is so hard or that their situation is so unfair. Someone in a depression really doesn't care what someone else thinks. The negative tapes are already so loud that another person's words have very little weight. Without a miracle from heaven, a person does not “snap out” of a depression or any other metal health issue. It takes time and hard work.
2. Depression affects only those who can’t manage life’s ups and downs due to some personal weakness or failure of willpower.

I would like to read an excerpt from a medical flier entitled “Your Mental Health Matters,”

This is untrue. Depression is a medical illness not unlike diabetes or high blood pressure. A person with depression can’t change his or her mood any more than diabetics can use will power to change their sugar level.

The causes of depression are many, but in recent years it has become clear that all depressions involve a chemical imbalance in the areas of the brain that regulate mood and emotion. Just as diabetics need regular treatment with insulin or other therapies, people with depression often require medications or therapy to restore mood and help them feel better.¹

3. A Christian shouldn't get depressed.
   Depression involves a chemical imbalance similar to the imbalance of insulin faced by diabetics, or the imbalance of thyroid hormones in some people that leads to thyroid disease. Being a Christian does not spare you from getting diabetes or thyroid disease, nor does it spare you from getting depression. Two of the greatest men in the Old Testament, King David and the prophet Elijah, both dealt with depression. In the New Testament the Apostle Paul “despaired even of life.²” As a more modern example, Mother Teresa struggled with depression.

3. If you had enough faith, God would heal your depression.

The Apostle Paul asked three times for a thorn in his flesh to be removed. The Lord refused Paul, responding “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”³ Paul probably had more faith than everyone in this room put together, yet Jesus did not heal him. There is no promise in Scripture that says we will be healed in this life. Jesus has the power to heal, but he does not always exercise that power. It is in our weakness that we turn to God. My depression has been a thorn forcing me to depend on God, His grace and His mercy.

3. A Christian shouldn't take medication for depression.
   Medication helps because it addresses the physical component of the problem. A chemical imbalance requires a chemical to bring balance.
   Perhaps there is some truth that if we had enough faith we would not need medication. However, telling someone that while they are weak does nothing to strengthen them. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”⁴ Let the person get stable on medication so that they can work on their relationship with God and with others. Let the person make a decision whether to stop medication from a place of strength, with the guidance of a medical professional –that decision should not be made because they have been made to feel guilty for taking medication.

We have to stop making people feel like they are a failure if they face depression! They need the freedom and support to take the medications that can help them! Piling guilt on an already hurting individual is not at all like Christ, and it hinders healing on every level!

V. Internal factors involved in Depression –the “carbonation” in us, and what we can do to reduce that carbonation.

physical: chemical imbalance, this can be addressed with medication, proper diet and exercise.

guilt -- from personal sin – sin is simply anything in our life that doesn't measure up to God's standard of perfection. We all have TONS of it. It needs to be confessed, repented of, and handed over to Jesus for forgiveness.

We need to take ownership for our sin, rather than blaming it on someone else. Where it is possible, we need to make amends. We must understand that our sin has hurt other people and that we have deeply hurt God. (This is an ongoing process, as God doesn't make us face all the truth about ourselves at one time. It would overwhelm and depress anyone.) We need to become broken over who we are as a sinner.

Someone facing depression probably has a very strong idea of how they have missed the mark. It is in this place of brokenness that we need to come to God. Jesus loves us so much that He died on that cross in our place. He offers us complete forgiveness when we come to Him. There is our HOPE! Until we realize that we deserved the cross, we won't really be grateful for His death in our place. He left our sin in the grave and rose to new life that we, too may share in that new life. Jesus is the only solution to our guilt problem!

Unfortunately, even after we have accepted God's gift of forgiveness, we continue to sin...so we need to continue to bring our sin to Jesus for His forgiveness. 1Jn 1:9 promises that “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” This is a promise to cling to when we feel guilty for something that has already been confessed.

If we are burdened by sin, no amount of medication will help. A physical solution to a spiritual problem will not work.

false guilt – sometimes we feel guilty for something that was not our fault.

In the movie Courageous, a young girl is killed by a drunk driver on her way home from a party. The mother starts to blame herself for letting her daughter go to the party. That is false guilt. It needs to be recognized and released to Jesus.

wounds of the past that need healing --

I have had professionals exhort me to get the anger out – to yell and scream and swear in the counsellor's office, as if my dad was there. That released the pressure for a time, but it also filled my mind with more anger. Jesus' answer is forgiveness. To get rid of the hurt done to you, you must forgive. Holding onto anger eats away at you, and has no impact on the other person. You can find the power to forgive others when you realize how much God has forgiven you. It comes down to the cross. It really is possible to forgive any horrible injustice done to you. If you have never come to the cross of Jesus this will not make any sense. If you want it to make sense, please come and talk to me afterwards.

Negative Thinking patterns that have developed over along period of time: negative self talk destroys us from within. It is deeply rooted and has been practised for many many years. Often it is the only pattern of thinking a person knows.

Romans 12:2 tells us: “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

• finish this phrase: “Garbage in, ..........” get rid of negative thinking by getting rid of negative influences. Much of what is on TV, in movies, in magazines and in today's popular music promotes unhealthy thinking. Stop filling your mind with this garbage!! The entertainment value is not worth the build-up of more carbonation!
• replace the negative tapes with positive thoughts from Scripture
• listen to music with an uplifting message

lack of value to life: What gives value to someone's life? Young people today without Jesus have been taught they evolved from apes, that life is only worthwhile if it is beautiful or productive. There is no intrinsic value to life in modern culture.

Where does that leave

• the young man who can't get the marks his parents demand he earn,
• the girl who has never had a boyfriend or the woman who has never married and thinks she is fat and ugly,
• the mom who can't seem to get her kids under control, who feels horrible guilt for yelling at them – or perhaps even hitting them,
• the middle-aged man who has lost his job and can't provide for his family –

Where do they turn for value and worth. The world has nothing to offer them. What gives value to someone's life?

Only in Christ do we find value for our messed up lives! Jesus died for us at our worst, not our best! Please see the Father's Love Letter that I provided for you.

The ultimate answer for reducing the carbonation in our lives is through Jesus.

Bottle #3 Jesus has an unlimited ability to bear our burdens, heal our sorrows, and forgive our sins. When we place our carbonated lives into His life, He can absorb the stress. -- pour a little into a HUGE bottle. Shake it around – dump in some salt.

However, He can only absorb the carbonation we hand over to Him. The more we hand over, the less the carbonation will overflow in our own lives. The more we will know and experience His peace and His healing.

VI. We looked at the carbonation , how can we reduce the stress?

The person dealing with too much stress needs help to figure out how to reduce that stress. Please don't offer advice without understanding the stresses your loved-one is really experiencing. Advice offered without understanding causes more harm than good.

2 years ago I was in a place closer to suicide than ever before as a Christian. All hope was gone. The people in my life who I had hoped would help me, thought I needed a strong hand. I didn't. My life circumstances were extremely difficult, and I didn't know how to cope. I was a single mom with two boys on the autism spectrum. The oldest (about 16) was constantly being sent home from school as he was too aggressive to be there. Meltdowns – similar to temper tantrums --were common over very little things. One child's meltdown would trigger a meltdown in the other. These meltdowns would often last 45 minutes. They were filled with verbal and sometimes physical aggression, tears, cowering in fear, and the worst had Caleb responding to imaginary voices. My brother moved in with us, and for many reasons this escalated the stress and the meltdowns at that time. I also face health issues which include chronic fatigue. I was trying to get help with the home situation, and was given advice from people who had no clue what my life was really like. Please don't give life-circumstance advice if you really haven't seen or experienced what that person is going through. Advice that works in many, or even most situations, doesn't work in every situation. My extreme hopelessness was intensified by advice that I could not follow-through on. I was belittled and accused of making excuses, when the reality was that my stress-load was so high and had been so for way too long. Something “simple” to this person was truly impossible for me at that point in my life. At this point, my son also became suicidal and I was accused of giving him that idea. I tried very hard to hide my depression and my suicidal thoughts from my children. Since this person thought my depression was attention-seeking behaviour, he thought my son was imitating this attention-seeking. So, when I asked for help because my son was suicidal and his brother was frantic over the situation, I was told to go to a parenting workshop.

This person was well-meaning. Probably very frustrated with me. However, the “help” dramatically increased my hopelessness.

I had to take some time away from home and work on some strategies while the stress-load was removed. However, things didn't really improve until my oldest moved in with his dad and the stress-load decreased for the entire family. I am doing better now than at any other time in my life. Many people have noticed that God is working through me. This is not because my faith increased -- but because the stress was reduced AND I was placed on the right medication through a more accurate medical assessment! With the stress manageable and my chemical imbalance corrected, my faith and my relationship with God have had room to grow!

So, once you really understand the situation, brainstorm practical solutions to decrease the stress.

• Are they expecting too much of themselves? Perfectionism is a curse that strangles so many women. Your house does not need to be spotless! Let me repeat that – your house does not have to be spotless! A friend shared an expression from her childhood. “The house is clean enough to be healthy and messy enough to be fun.” In terms of our mental health – that is a very important concept to grasp. I was gripped by this perfectionism. I am ADD, I am a clutter-bug, and I have health issues and challenging children. A friend, who manages her home much better than I manage mine, gave me permission to have a messy home. That set me free!
• What is in their schedule that they can give up? We often over-commit ourselves because we feel obligated to do these things. That is a form of false guilt. Learn to say “no” to obligations that you cannot handle. Don't encourage people to take on too much. Help a loved one to see if they are doing more than they can manage.
• Do they legitimately need help from the church family? Set up a plan to give them short-term help. That needs to be followed-up with a plan to help them manage their own responsibilities.
• Care-givers need care:
  I participated in a four-week out-patient program for depression at the Ottawa general Hospital. I recall a statistic that was shared – 80% of the people they see in that program are caregivers. These caregivers have failed to care for themselves, and so they end up burnt-out and unable to cope with the stress of care-giving. I would suggest that the stats may be higher for “Christians” who believe it is their responsibility as a Christian to serve. They recall that they are to “consider others better than yourselves.” But they miss the verse that follows it: “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” ⁵ The verse assumes you are looking to your own interests or needs. Caregivers end up depressed because they miss the important concept that to take care of others, you must first take care of yourself. If you are not well, you cannot help someone else. Jesus called us to “love your neighbour as yourself”⁶ – that indicates that we are supposed to love ourselves and take care of ourselves.

4. What can someone who is depressed do to get out of the pit?

First of all you need to want to get out of the pit.

Second – pray for God to help you. In the deepest depressions, this may just be “Help me! God!” You must make decisions to take steps that will draw you closer to God.

Many of you may know Jer 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

It is a beautiful verse, but did you know that there is a condition? The passage continues with:

“Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

We will find God and his promises when we seek Him with all our heart.

What might that look like that look like?

We will find God – the God that promises us hope and a future -- not when we put in our time or perform certain religious “duties” but when we seek Him with all of our heart.

** repent of the sin you are aware of in your life –

** – As said earlier: “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

• get rid of negative thinking by getting rid of negative influences that are popular in our world
• replace the negative tapes with positive thoughts from Scripture
• work on a gratitude from A to Z chart
• listen to music with an uplifting message

** You must surrender your coping strategies to God – these keep us from breaking before God, something that must happen before His healing can come. “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit. (Psalm 34:18)

my coping strategies were all about hiding. Stay in bed telling those around me I was “sick.”

refusing to answer the phone or the door

stuffing my feelings deep inside

blaming every little thing that went wrong on myself

** – share the garbage you are feeling with God and another person that you can trust. I found it easiest to write letters to God. That may work for you, but maybe you just need to talk it out with someone. But after spewing the garbage, surrender it to God. Then you must come back to the goodness of God and His incredible love for you.

** – enjoy your life.

Take a bubble bath with lit candles, enjoy a cup of coffee on the patio and invite Jesus to join you, take a walk in God's creation and marvel at the beauty, take the time to enjoy a sunset, soak in worship music, laugh at the silly antics of your pet or your toddler. (I had to give myself permission to laugh at my cats). Dress like you care about yourself. This was incredibly hard for my after my husband left. I didn't feel like there was any point in caring about my appearance. Although I still struggle with this, when I look good, I feel better about myself.

** -- serve someone else! 'The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. (Mt20:28) Start small and work up from there.

• write a card or send an ecard– get cards that already have a Scripture or some other encouragement on it, then they only have to write something very short and sign their name.
• buy a treat at the store for someone, or make something for someone
• other ideas?

** -get help to heal the past

** Get help separating false guilt from real guilt. Situations that produce false guilt are the ones you had no control over.

V. What can we do to help someone who is depressed? practicals

When someone is depressed, they need hope and self-acceptance. It is not a time for hard challenges or confrontations. However, you cannot let them completely hide from life. Be patient with them.

Help them grow in their relationship with God.

• Listen to them without judgement or condemnation
• Pray for them and Pray with them – pray about their worth, how precious they are to God and to you, pray for God to restore their hope and their joy, pray for laughter and peace, pray for their eyes to be opened to see the good in their lives, pray for them to repent of their sin and accept God's love, grace and forgiveness.
• encourage them with Scriptures and music
• help them recognize the victories – celebrate progress, don't wait for perfection
• give them a vision of how God sees them
• help them see that YOU value them, and so does God
• Help them to fill out a Grateful from A-Z chart
• share your own struggles, sin, and forgiveness

• Help them to laugh – We all know the Reader's Digest phrase: Laughter is the ........... It is true and it is Scriptural. “A cheerful look brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the bones.” (Pr 5:30)
  there are a lot of funny photos or cartoons going around on the internet, or in books – share them and encourage your loved-one to enjoy the humour they once did.
• Send a written card with encouraging words and Scripture
• provide hope by helping them make decisions that can make life more manageable
• visit them – one or two people at a time
• You may need to help your loved one get out and do something they enjoy. When deeply depressed, I didn't really enjoy anything.
• help them to do something for someone else

A person cannot simply make a decision to not be depressed. Don't ignore a cry for help. Many people have a real void in their lives. Perhaps the void is that they do not have a real relationship with the loving God. This is more than a simple prayer. That void requires a relationship that is ongoing and constantly growing. It needs someone willing to teach them and disciple them in the ways of God and His love and forgiveness. Next to a relationship with God, many people lack any true friends – a friend that is willing to walk with them along those dark roads that must be travelled to find ultimate healing. A friend that shares how God has loved them in spite of their own weaknesses and failures. A friend who is open about his/her own sins, hurts, and broken dreams.

Be that friend.

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If the link doesn't work, please email me at commonlawwithjesus@gmail.com

1 Your Mental Health Matters:  Getting help for Depression, Panic Disorder and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder,  The Medicine Group Ltd., Mississauga, 1998, p. 2.

21 Co 1:8

32 Co 12:9

4Eph 4:29

5Php 2:3b-4,

6Mt 19:19




 Sample Gratitude from A to Z list

A ll my sins are forgiven

B eautiful creation all around me

C hrist is my brother

D eath holds no fear

E arth is filled with God's glory

F aith is the victory

G od loves me and likes me

H eaven is for real

I nnocence is restored

J ustice will prevail

K ingdom of heaven citizenship

L egalism has been replaced with relationship

M ountains can be thrown into the sea

N othing is impossible for my God

O pportunity to be used by God

P lans to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me a hope and a future

Q uietness before the Lord is a gift

R ighteousness of Jesus covers me

S in no longer is my master

T hanksgiving conquers complaining

U nconditional love is mine from God

V ictory is in Jesus

W onderful is my Saviour to me

X the cross is the answer

Y earning for God is filled with unmeasurable joy

Z illions of blessings are mine in Christ