Weariness

Anyone who follows this blog on a regular basis has probably noticed that I just haven’t been posting things as often as I once did.  I must confess I have become weary.  I deal with chronic fatigue and it can be a real struggle to manage the responsibilities in life – especially when I take on extra things.  I have had a couple of busy weeks.  I made decisions to take on things that I probably shouldn’t have done.  I certainly didn’t ask God for His opinion before I volunteered for some things at Christopher’s school. 

Well, the fatigue has been very evident.  My afternoon naps were not enough, or they were replaced with responsibilities that had been misplaced due to extra things in my schedule. At some point I started sleeping in.  I sacrificed my time in God’s Word for more shut-eye. 

Friday, in particular had been a very long and very active day as I went as a volunteer accompanying Christopher’s school band on a field trip. Saturday I spent most of the day in bed, trying to catch up on the much-needed rest.  At some point I realized I didn’t want to get out of bed, even though I had replenished myself physically.  I realized I was weary of soul.  I didn’t want to do anything.  I was one step away from depression. 

Sunday I even toyed with the idea of missing church.  Fortunately I knew that church was the best way to start dealing with the weariness.  The worship and fellowship helped, but more was needed.  I needed to revitalize my walk with God.

I got up Monday morning and had some good time with God.  I fasted breakfast and lunch.  I asked God to restore the joy of my salvation and to restore the passion in my relationship with Him.  I went to bed Monday night praying that I would not sleep in, but would get with God in the morning before the responsibilities started.  It worked.  Tuesday I was up at 5am spending time with God.  I took the dog on a prayer walk that was far more focused than so many other prayer walks of late. 

I had a productive day and used the significant time in the car to get back to memorizing Scripture, something I haven’t actively done in several years. I felt great in my relationship with God, but went to bed physically exhausted.  This morning I messed up again. I got up to feed the cats, then went back to bed.  I didn’t have a specific schedule, although I have a ton of things that need to get done.  5 hours later when I finally dragged myself out of bed, I felt no more rested. Once again, very close to depression, I sent out a prayer request.

 I decided to get into God’s Word and write a post relevant to where I am at.

Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God,

The Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

And his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary

And increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,

And young men stumble and fall;

But those who hope in the Lord

Will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

They will run and not grow weary,

They will walk and not be faint.

(Is 40:28-31)

God NEVER gets weary, and He provides the strength for people like me who do get weary!  All I have to do is hope in the Lord, and I will not grow weary nor faint!  Some translations use “wait” instead of “hope.”  Although Isaiah chapter 40 is a powerful and poetic description of God’s power and love, I don’t want to leave it there.  I try to make the Word practical. 

So what is the solution to my weariness?  God.  The Creator who never tires is the One who energizes me!  The God who calls out the stars by name, He is the One who gives me the ability to soar on wings like eagles. The New Testament provides more instruction on dealing with weariness.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart (Heb 12: 2-3).

I need to look to Jesus and His example as He went to the cross for me.  He didn’t even have the strength to carry His own cross, but He kept going!  Jesus could have called ten legions of angels to rescue Him and kill His enemies, but He didn’t because of His love for me and you!  He did not let weariness deter Him from His task. Jesus spent hours in the Garden praying for strength.  I need to look to Jesus’ example, and get on my knees before my Father, so that I do not grow weary and lose heart.  Jesus could have slept in the garden trying to get the physical energy for the task before Him. Instead, He chose to pray, knowing His strength comes not from sleep, but from His Father in heaven.

Sleep is not the solution to my weariness,

but rather time with God Almighty – the Giver of Life!

I hope you find this post helpful.  Sometimes we look at those whom God is using as “having it all together.”  I am not there.  Instead I want to share what God is teaching me as I face the many struggles of living for Him in spite of all my weaknesses and imperfections.