My boys both have Asperger's Syndrome,
ADHD, and some learning disabilities. I have had numerous
conversations with them about strengths and weaknesses. Everyone has
strengths and weaknesses. Everyone has skills or abilities that come
easily. Everyone also experiences challenges and difficulties in
other areas of their lives. We have to accept that in ourselves, and
we have to accept that in others.
One aspect of Asperger's Syndrome (a
high functioning form of autism) is the inability to take another
person's point of view. Especially when the boys were younger, if
they knew a piece of information, they expected (not even
consciously) everyone to know it. If they could do something,
everyone should be able to do it. This led to incredible frustration
for the entire family, and many melt downs at school.
Math comes easily for me. Writing
essays was much more difficult, but with a lot of practise and
instruction I learned how to write. As a high school student, I
thought that more often than not, students that were not doing well
in school were simply not trying hard enough. I judged them as lazy.
I have a very different understanding of strengths and weaknesses
today.
As a teacher at an adult high school, I
learned about learning disabilities. There are many people who find
academics to be painful. They try very hard, but just don't get it.
I was thrilled to be able to help many students overcome years and
years of failure at math by helping them to master one skill at a
time. However, there were students that just couldn't get it. There
minds were wired in such a way that numbers did not make sense to
them. There were other students with a form of dyslexia (never
diagnosed) which made it very difficult for them to keep track of
negative signs. They had been told for years that they were not
trying hard enough, or not disciplined or diligent enough with their
work. Another teacher showed me that many of these students were
actually able to keep track of the negative signs when they used a
different colour of paper. Using blue or yellow paper suddenly made
them able to do math! They were not stupid, lazy, undisciplined, or
anything else like that – their brains simply could not register
everything from the extremely high contrast of writing on white
paper. One of my students went to a professional and received green
tinted glasses. His ability to do school work changed dramatically
and his self-esteem soared!
Just like my boys, who thought that
everyone thinks just like they do, these teachers had demanded that
their students think a certain way. When the students didn't fit
into their mold, they were very judgemental. These harsh and
inaccurate judgements had really hurt these students. Many students
had turned down roads of alcoholism, drug abuse, or getting pregnant
at a young age to escape the pain of low self-esteem. They would
come to our school believing they were stupid, but had come to the
realization that they could not advance in any sort of work without
that high school diploma. The entire staff worked hard to provide
the skills and encouragement the students needed to achieve success.
Elation and victory permeated graduation day like no other ceremony I
have been a part of!
When we give advice to others, we need
to realize that not everyone can do things the way we do, or the way
we think they should. Let us learn to give people the benefit of the
doubt. When someone is trying, but still failing, we need to find
out why. A person dealing with failure needs encouragement and help
to understand what is at the root of the failure. Too often, just
like the teachers my students had, we judge the problem to be effort
or some form of stupidity. Sometimes effort is the problem.
Stupidity is a harsh term that isn't true. Perhaps that person has a
real weakness in one or more areas in their life, but they DO have
strengths. If we focus entirely on their weaknesses, we destroy the
person. Give them the tools that address the real problem and we give them self-esteem and real victory!
Father, I thank you so much for Your love and patience! I thank you for Your incredible grace! I thank you for putting people in our lives that really want to help us. Help us all to realize that you have made us each unique. We each have strengths and weaknesses. Every person is important in your kingdom! Sometimes it is easy to forget that what works for one person, or even what works for most people, doesn't work for everyone. The students that could suddenly succeed in math when given blue paper are a very small minority. What worked for most other people didn't work for them. Thank you for the privilege it was to provide these students with a tool that gave them success! Help us not to judge, but instead to help find solutions -- solutions beyond the box of our own experience. We praise You Father for creating us unique, special, and very very loved!
